The first vision of perfection,
The first bout of madness,
The first dreams of euphoria,
Rose eyed glasses, unseeing,
Clouded senses, unknowing,
Black magic, unnerving,
The passage of time,
The mirage fades,
The perfection cracks,
The mind clears, sanity returns,
The eyes open, vision is restored,
The spell is lifted, reality hits,
The dream lingers on,
Holding on to threads,
The sane mind tries but in vain,
I will not ask of you,
To see me as I see you,
But one thing I will ask,
Don't feed my madness,
By making me feel,
That someday you might
Monday, May 04, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
The way money works
If you are hoping that this piece will help you tide over the "recession" by a deep understanding of the way money works, I apologize in advance for the seemingly deceptive title. What it is, is a set of a my own views on money.
My first view of money growing up, courtesy of dad, was that it was meant to make the most of. We were never rich, probably just in the "upper" middle-class. Yet, we had always seen much more than most of the people around who earned as much, or at times more money than us. Be it books, movies, branded clothes, family vacations, or eating out - we did things in style. I remember being 12 when paying 0ver a 1000 bucks for dinner was a done thing. I used to be surprised when friends of mine used to express angst at how expensive a place is if they (i.e. their dads) had to fork ouy over 500. Little did I know that for most people in our income group, it actually was!
Consequently we saw a lot of the good things in life, at the expense of us not having a lot in the name of savings. But as dad says, we've always been fortunate in that some way or the other, we've always managed to find enough money to do what we need to - be it my sister's wedding or my exorbitantly priced education.
That brings us to the second view, starkly contrasting with the first, that money needs to be conserved. We've seen tough times where money was concerned, and while we never struggled for the necessities, we had to rethink what was necessary and how much of it was necessary. Thousand buck dinners still happened, but now they usually demanded occasions, that was about it.
The third is a stronger view of the second, post my educational loan. While no one can argue that borrowing money for education is one of the worthiest reasons for doing so, I (and all my friends who have) still can't help feeling fear and at times doubt about whether it was the right decision. Financial concerns take up so much of your mental energy, its something that you cannot imagine till you are put in them. Don't get me wrong, at some point in life, you have to face up to them, but they really hit you the first time.
So, I find it a little funny and disappointing at the same time when people think it fit to continually poke fun at me for not wanting to spend money. How they don't see it fit to question if there is an underlying reason rather than just a character flaw. I may not be better for it, but I am not comfortable spending my folks' hard earned money on non-essential things, I don't feel a natural right to it. I don't even like that fact that I never did well enough to save my folks some money - be it on classes or due to scholarships or whatever. That itself precludes me acting like all their money is my own and spending it as and when I please, that is just not done.
Agreed, that I'm taking a holier than thou approach, considering how many people I have made fun of myself on things that I should not have (and probably continue to, albeit without realizing), but I never did say perfection was my quality or even my goal! :P
My first view of money growing up, courtesy of dad, was that it was meant to make the most of. We were never rich, probably just in the "upper" middle-class. Yet, we had always seen much more than most of the people around who earned as much, or at times more money than us. Be it books, movies, branded clothes, family vacations, or eating out - we did things in style. I remember being 12 when paying 0ver a 1000 bucks for dinner was a done thing. I used to be surprised when friends of mine used to express angst at how expensive a place is if they (i.e. their dads) had to fork ouy over 500. Little did I know that for most people in our income group, it actually was!
Consequently we saw a lot of the good things in life, at the expense of us not having a lot in the name of savings. But as dad says, we've always been fortunate in that some way or the other, we've always managed to find enough money to do what we need to - be it my sister's wedding or my exorbitantly priced education.
That brings us to the second view, starkly contrasting with the first, that money needs to be conserved. We've seen tough times where money was concerned, and while we never struggled for the necessities, we had to rethink what was necessary and how much of it was necessary. Thousand buck dinners still happened, but now they usually demanded occasions, that was about it.
The third is a stronger view of the second, post my educational loan. While no one can argue that borrowing money for education is one of the worthiest reasons for doing so, I (and all my friends who have) still can't help feeling fear and at times doubt about whether it was the right decision. Financial concerns take up so much of your mental energy, its something that you cannot imagine till you are put in them. Don't get me wrong, at some point in life, you have to face up to them, but they really hit you the first time.
So, I find it a little funny and disappointing at the same time when people think it fit to continually poke fun at me for not wanting to spend money. How they don't see it fit to question if there is an underlying reason rather than just a character flaw. I may not be better for it, but I am not comfortable spending my folks' hard earned money on non-essential things, I don't feel a natural right to it. I don't even like that fact that I never did well enough to save my folks some money - be it on classes or due to scholarships or whatever. That itself precludes me acting like all their money is my own and spending it as and when I please, that is just not done.
Agreed, that I'm taking a holier than thou approach, considering how many people I have made fun of myself on things that I should not have (and probably continue to, albeit without realizing), but I never did say perfection was my quality or even my goal! :P
Saturday, February 21, 2009
People skills 101: Importance Issues
No, the title is not a grammatical error, it is exactly appropriate as I shall later explain. Anyhow, here's the maxim that lays the foundation for this piece:
Now while that makes perfect sense at the outset, it isn't quite that simple. In many instances it just doesn't work that way! Take the instance of you wanting to be more to some individual even when you know that person doesn't think highly of you. This could happen with personal or professional relationships - a boss, a person you idolize, a person you admire in any sense, your in-laws, anyone! The only way to get what you want, is to give them more importance than is due, or for that matter even more than is justified.
But that given, at what point do you stop? When do you say, that this is it, I'm not going to go any further. If this individual's perception of me or his/her respect for me is not going to increase, then I'm not going to try anymore. I'm not going to go out of my way belittling myself in the expectation of it being redeemed. This is where I seem to keep tripping up. The aforesaid point unfortunately tends to infinity in my case. So I keep subjecting myself to incessant disappointment when there is no reciprocation. Fair enough, considering that none was promised!
I guess it's often a hard call, particularly when your admiration gets in the way of rationality. The learning process continues. Chapter 1 ends here.
**********************************************************************************
Should I let go,
Being in the know,
That this is all it's going to be,
Or should I hold tighter, in hope,
And anticipation that there is more?
"Don't make important the people for whom you are not important"
- Unknown
Now while that makes perfect sense at the outset, it isn't quite that simple. In many instances it just doesn't work that way! Take the instance of you wanting to be more to some individual even when you know that person doesn't think highly of you. This could happen with personal or professional relationships - a boss, a person you idolize, a person you admire in any sense, your in-laws, anyone! The only way to get what you want, is to give them more importance than is due, or for that matter even more than is justified.
But that given, at what point do you stop? When do you say, that this is it, I'm not going to go any further. If this individual's perception of me or his/her respect for me is not going to increase, then I'm not going to try anymore. I'm not going to go out of my way belittling myself in the expectation of it being redeemed. This is where I seem to keep tripping up. The aforesaid point unfortunately tends to infinity in my case. So I keep subjecting myself to incessant disappointment when there is no reciprocation. Fair enough, considering that none was promised!
I guess it's often a hard call, particularly when your admiration gets in the way of rationality. The learning process continues. Chapter 1 ends here.
**********************************************************************************
Should I let go,
Being in the know,
That this is all it's going to be,
Or should I hold tighter, in hope,
And anticipation that there is more?
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Extorted Expression
How much I have lost touch with writing becomes obvious when one is told that the crappy alliteration that makes up the title, took me 15 minutes and the assistance of thesaurus.com! Nevertheless, the title attempts to convey that I am forcing myself to sit in front of the keyboard and write something, possibly everyday. Having completed my masters (drumroll please!), I now have some time at hand to be reviving what was once a "promising talent" :P. In all due fairness, I reread a lot of my writing a month back and was pretty shocked at how much better it was than I ever thought it to be! I may not exactly be next in line for the Pulitzer, but I'm no slouch either.
Anyway, that much self praise was sufficient to jog my cells into writing a few more words, so I'll desist from indulging further. As has become the norm, whenever I write something after ages, its about wanting to write regularly, but it has never happened. If I had regular readers, I would have asked them what to write, but that was eons ago. Now there are none, and so that is not an option. I did see "Slumdog Millionaire" today, but I am going to take the high road here and not stoop to writing a review.
The other option was to write an India travelogue, but I tend to ramble more than usual in those, and plus there really isn't much to write there. The other option is to start writing long overdue testimonials for some fine folks, taking a cue from another gentleman from my grad school who is doing the same :D.
The third option, which I have taken, was to write out the options I had of what to write. Circular dependencies, anyone, anyone? :P. Anyhow, as stated, an honest attempt will be made to write something everyday at least over the next maybe 2 days. Post that, is too far ahead into the future!
On a completely unrelated topic, hear this out: http://ww.smashits.com/music/pop/play/songs/809/BREATHLESS-SHANKAR-MAHADEVAN/11790/Ghul-Raha-Hai.html
One should be able to at least:
1. Write half as well as this
2. Compose half as well as this
3. Sing half as well as this
Damn, I can't even do a tenth of either :(
Anyway, that much self praise was sufficient to jog my cells into writing a few more words, so I'll desist from indulging further. As has become the norm, whenever I write something after ages, its about wanting to write regularly, but it has never happened. If I had regular readers, I would have asked them what to write, but that was eons ago. Now there are none, and so that is not an option. I did see "Slumdog Millionaire" today, but I am going to take the high road here and not stoop to writing a review.
The other option was to write an India travelogue, but I tend to ramble more than usual in those, and plus there really isn't much to write there. The other option is to start writing long overdue testimonials for some fine folks, taking a cue from another gentleman from my grad school who is doing the same :D.
The third option, which I have taken, was to write out the options I had of what to write. Circular dependencies, anyone, anyone? :P. Anyhow, as stated, an honest attempt will be made to write something everyday at least over the next maybe 2 days. Post that, is too far ahead into the future!
On a completely unrelated topic, hear this out: http://ww.smashits.com/music/pop/play/songs/809/BREATHLESS-SHANKAR-MAHADEVAN/11790/Ghul-Raha-Hai.html
One should be able to at least:
1. Write half as well as this
2. Compose half as well as this
3. Sing half as well as this
Damn, I can't even do a tenth of either :(
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